after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
