If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
