Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
