i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They left me at home... I'm a liability
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
