So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
