I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
