im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
