Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
