I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
