Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
