I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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