the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
