Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Come share oat with me in your robe
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
