Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
