gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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