I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
