I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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