oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
