i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
