Betty ford says i'm here all night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
