i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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