The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
