your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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