After last night, I could never be a politician.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
