Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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