saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
