You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
