I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
