four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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