Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
