I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
