Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
