I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
