I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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