I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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