How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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