Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
