I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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