4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can Purell be used as lube?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
