there's paper in my vomit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
