You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
