Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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