they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
