Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
