I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize