he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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