You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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