I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
