its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
