you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
