Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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