Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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