I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
