ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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