wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
