I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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