Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
