She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
