she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
