"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
