Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
