fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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