batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
