A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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