kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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