please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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