like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
