The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
