apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize