I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
