So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
