you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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