Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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