windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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