insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
