I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
