i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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