8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
