is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
